I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
