His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
