do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
