he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
