I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
