THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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