It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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