She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
