Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
