You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
