New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
only you would photoshop your dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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