ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
