I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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