fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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