you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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