This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
