He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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