Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
