you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
