trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
