Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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