quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
