Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
