it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
