when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
