If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
