We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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