Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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