Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
