so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
