I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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