I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
