genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
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