he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
