Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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