is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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