Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize