angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
