i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize