Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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