The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
