No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
