actually, I'm a sock model
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
