STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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