We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
