Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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