bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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