she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
