talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
