things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
