similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
