between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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