God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize