There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize