Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
