I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
