do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
