Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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