I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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