i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
