Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
