Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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