Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
