Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
