you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
