this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
