I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
