You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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