I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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